Congratulations on not giving into peer pressure and being true to yourself and your beliefs. You’re a hell of a lot stronger than the rest of us.

Sometimes I don’t like telling my parents that I’m upset because they get so upset when I’m not happy. My happiness means that much to them.

See there’s a fucking blessing that I have right there.

But on the real, how sad is it that I sit in my room crying alone just so that I don’t see their faces drop at the sight of my tears.

Do things go perfectly for other people? Does it just seem like some people get the best hand of cards again, and again, and again?

I know my life isn’t awful. I always tell others to count their blessings when they’re feeling bad for themselves. I can sit and count mine, my wonderful family, my supportive friends, my family’s wealth, the food in my stomach, and the clothes on my back.

But why is it that some people get all that extra stuff. Time and time again. Why is it that I sit here with a father that just got through cancer and a brother going through a law suit and a best friend who’s dad just died, and for some other people their biggest problem is the C+ that they have in math.

I know my life doesn’t suck. I know it doesn’t by any stretch of the imagination. I just want things to be even. I want for once something good to happen for me that’s just something good happening. Not something bad getting better. Not a situation “looking up”. You can only count your father’s health being so big of a victory when, although he no longer has cancer, he also no longer has a prostate, and he just had to go through major surgery.

These situations make me stronger—or something like that, right?

Oh, and above all, I really hate myself for feeling jealous. God, jealousy is the most hideous emotion.